Women Discuss: Let Men Stray, So They Will Stay?

And the trophy goes to...

In a CNN discussion with a panel of women,  a show obviously targeting a female audience, the goal was to see if women need to be “rethinking wedded bliss in the 21st century.”

Rethink wedded bliss?  I wondered, whatever does that mean? It could mean one of two things:

   1.   women need to reclassify — so what they earlier considered as misery in their marriages they need to learn to see as bliss.

2.   girls who grew up with dreams of finding their “happily-ever after” in a fairytale wedding, need to find other venues of finding bliss because the wedding isn’t always the pathway to it.

Interestingly, it means no.1!!!  The topic of discussion was : Women’s insistence on monogamy is actually killing their marriages.  And if women let their husbands sleep with other women, and take a cool attitude towards it, they might it actually ‘save’ their marriages.

HOLLY HILL, author of Sugarbabe, explained why women actually need to make infidelity a negotiable option with their husbands. She said, “The only reason [marriage] is sacred is because … (more…)

India’s Confusion Over “Sexy”

If “SEX” is a four-lettered word in India, it’s not hard to believe the confusion that the extra alphabet in “SEXY” has  recently caused.

The chairperson of India’s National Commission For Women, Mamta Sharma stirred up a hornet’s nest when while speaking at a function for women she said“Boys pass comments on girls terming them sexy but sexy means beautiful and charming. We should not see it in negative sense.”  She then went on to describe a scenario which basically amounts to street sexual harassment — of a bunch of guys, calling out “sexy” at a woman walking by.

Now if Ms. Sharma expects that woman to smile and courtesy her thank you to these men, she too is clearly confused about what SEXY means!

The online dictionary gives three definitions of ‘sexy’ along with their usage in sentences for all those who are (more…)

Holi: India’s Forgotten Valentine’s Festival!

Unknown to many, the festival of Holi is actually a celebration of  India’s ancient Valentine’s Day!

It was called ‘The Festival of The Love God,’ and was celebrated to coincide with the arrival of Spring (symbolic of lust and life) just as the western Valentine’s Day is!

Below is an excerpt from my book Sex and Power on this festival:

rati kama redKama, the love god, was [evoked]…in the celebratory tribal songs of the Holi festival…[along] with his consort Rati (sexual pleasure).  His return to life…would be celebrated (each year) during Holi, which coincides with the spring season, [a symbolism of]..rejuvenation and fertility. 

The celebrations were called ‘Mojin Kama’ (Playing with Desire), [also referred to as ‘The Feast of Love’] and entailed songs with erotic lyrics and dances with unabashedly sexual gestures…as people jubilantly doused each other with perfumed water and coloured powders…The sacred text Shaiva Agama instructed that the Feast of Love was to be celebrated with playing (colored) dyes and the use of sexually explicit language.

In this period (100 A.D. to 1500 A.D.)…kama evolved as a complex concept, which besides love, [also included] the notions of love, passion, desire and sensuality. In fact, kama became a predominant philosophy of this era, influencing all aspects of life, including religion.

 Lord Kama came to be regarded as the divine inspiration for humanity. The concept of kama as love-making was said to have been propagated by the gods themselves. It was believed to be their gift to humankind…

rati-kamaIndeed, sensuality in this period became the quintessence of general living. There were architectural structures that were specifically designed to pander to love-making, customarily used in both public and private spaces. The homes of the middle class would have love chambers…[whose] decor included erotic sculptures in wood and stone, sensual paintings, and images of  Rati carved on the doorways.  The rooms were sprayed with fragrance, decorated with flowers and furnished with large canopied beds…, musical instruments, books of sensual poetry and literature…so lovers could spend many leisurely hours…engaged in the game of seduction…

Palaces were more lavish in their erotic decor… For the nobles and wealthier upper class, it was customary to own what was called ‘a hill for sports.’ This consisted of a hill, sometimes artificially created, with a mansion built on it…The mansions were splendid…[and] a special feature of the mansion was a jeweled bench for love-making…

Public art galleries were also meeting places for lovers…Even public gardens had special provisions for couples, with wooden pavilions constructed under bowers of vines or leaves where lovers could spend time. These love nests, which held special couches, were supplied with aphrodisiacs, ivory-handled fans and scented water to create a romantic ambiance.

In terms of social etiquette, it was permissible for people to revel openly in the pleasures of their sex life. Love bites were worn like trophies by young men and women, to be shown off later to friends as proof of their lover’s passion...

[Excerpt from Sex and Power: Defining History, Shaping Societies, Penguin Global, 2009, pp.125-130]

Who Needs A Diploma in Sex ?

There is now a school in Vienna that actually offers an official diploma in sexual techniques.  This is The Austrian International School of Sex (AISOS) and it is not gag! It has an official website with information on programs, courses, registration and student services!  This is not your usual degree in human sexual behavior that regular universities offer – i.e. the abstract speculation on the sociology or psychology of human sexuality.  According to the school’s mission statement, it is The world’s first school of practical sex.”   It further explains, “Though our courses include both history and modern sexual theory, the emphasis is on how to be a better lover. Sexual positions, caressing techniques, anatomical features- these are the AISOS disciplines. And we teach you hands on.”

The first question that comes to mind, is what is this diploma going to be used for? (more…)

How Men Think of Women and Sex

Hugh Hefner in his own words: “The notion that Playboy turns women into sex objects is ridiculous. Women are sex objects. If women weren’t sex objects, there wouldn’t be another generation.”

“Women have always been seen by [heterosexual men] as their exclusive property… ”  This is philosopher Michael Foucault’s thought on how western men think of women in terms of power and sexuality.  There are some more of his ideas (in red) below.  Foucault believed that sex determined power relationships between the genders, and the reason was because Western society considered sex as a science, something to be understood, revealed,  discovered and displayed unlike the East that regarded sex as an art, something that was natural and inherently powerful.  As an art it is not something to be discovered or acquired but rather something that is comfortably enjoyed.  Foucault believed that the Eastern view of sex as art meant not just enjoying it but also keeping it a secret because that is how its inherent power was protected.

I however do not agree with Foucault’s understanding of the Eastern approach to sex. (more…)

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